The Gift and the Curse

Anyone who’s read a few of these blogs will probably know that I only write them when I have thoughts which I want to express, things I’m considering. With this one in particular it kind of combines a few different things and I never write drafts, I just note down what I’m thinking in the here and now so my apologies if this seems a little disjointed. 

I had a conversation with my friends last night regarding the origin on the Universe, and what’s out there; that kind of stuff. We got to thinking ‘What if we are the only advanced species out there?’ (For the record, I don’t believe that but it’s an interesting point.) I replied to my friend with one of my overarching philosophies:

“But if that’s true, don’t you think it’s our job to carry on?To be great? The way I see it, we’re lucky just to exist. That’s why I’m not going to waste this opportunity that’s been given to me; I’m going to be the very best I can be.”

That, in a nutshell, is what I wanted to talk about. Recently I’ve started a new job (which is going well) and that has enabled me to move into my new home. My own home. Yep! Really happy about that, seriously it’s been a dream of mine for years. It’s a small thing, but I had my couch delivered yesterday and that really made it start to feel like a home. I laid back on my new piece of furniture and  listed to music, genuinely elated at how all this was going for me. But lately I’ve felt a little uneasy. Having a job and a house is great, but what good is it actually doing for other people? This guilt, or maybe a better word would be yearning, is a problem I’ve suffered with for a long time. For those of you who are reading my blog for the first time, I really want to do good things with my life. I want to help a lot of people. I’m not exactly certain how, but since I was about 10 years old that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. So, when I’m not really doing anything positive I feel this uneasiness. 

It all relates to my mindset, and what I said to my friend. I have this constant feeling of how finite life is, how short a time we have here to make our mark on the world. Don’t get me wrong, I’m satisfied with numerous things in life but it really bugs me if I’m not progressing in some way. That doesn’t necessarily have to be helping others (although that is the main aim), it could be learning to play the piano for instance (something which I want to do). The reason for the title of the blog is the two sides to having a mindset like this one:

Gift – It pushes me forward, constantly. When there’s always a higher level to reach, you keep trying to step up. I’ve felt so tired with this move lately and starting work and I really didn’t want to get out of bed this morning, but I forced myself and went running for the first time in almost 2 weeks. That’s made me feel especially guilty which isn’t good, but as I say, it pushes me forward.

Curse – That thing with running…for me that’s a positive. The reason this thought process can be a burden though is that sometimes, I feel like nothing is good enough. I’m laying down and thinking ‘should I be doing this?’ It’s tough sometimes, but I think the bigger curse would be laziness, to be honest.

 

I always like to encourage positive thinking and I hope that how I end this blog will do just that. I don’t really know what the moral of the story is but what I do know is that everybody’s mind is magical. Everybody’s. Trust me. In my opinion, my own mindset is magical in how it reacts to things. If I do something good for another person, it’s like nothing can stop me. A few years back I was in a toy shop buying some trading cards and a kid was upset that he couldn’t get a packet. So, I just bought him a pack alongside my own. Although it seems small, that’s one of my proudest moments. Oh! And I should totally tell you another, since I’ve remembered it:

When I was about 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night and used the bathroom. I noticed there was a beetle drowning in the toilet water so I got a piece of tissue and rescued him. That’s unbelievably small, right? Wrong. You see I felt immensely proud of that and still do to this day, for the same reason as I did back then – I didn’t have to help that beetle, but I did. I chose to, even when no-one was watching. 

Come to think of it, maybe my mindset is pretty cool after all 🙂 I guess we all have our struggles, but if we focus on the best side of ourselves then we can always consider that to be a gift. 

Over and out.

Sean