Lyrics Day Ninety – ‘Envy’

Hey everyone,

today’s lyrics concern the feeling of envy I experienced yesterday. I was just having some cereal on my day off, and scrolling through my phone, where I came across a photo of a girl I used to volunteer with, who is currently teaching in Korea. I don’t think I’ve mentioned this on the blog, but I had an idea recently that in order to grow and develop my confidence, I would like to teach English in China, and move there for at least one year. I’m unable to do it right now because I still want to save up more money as a back-up plan, but to see somebody who was several years younger than me, already flourishing that position meant that I felt quite disappointed with myself.

Fortunately, I’ve experienced this before and have developed ways to overcome it, and so those feelings only lasted for around 30 minutes. I told myself that although my progress in this way is below hers, we’re different people, on different paths. Plus, I have a plan, and although I’ve never been blessed financially, with hard work I will achieve this goal eventually. I guess what I’m trying to get across is that I’m able to step back now and regard the intention to move forward as more important than the past, as that’s all that I can control.

Stay safe ~

Sean

Envy (Verse, Half Chorus, Verse, Chorus, Bridge, Chorus)

Such a difficult feeling
scrolling through social media
she’s already achieved my goal
despite being years younger

Envy is a killer
my positivity torn asunder
mind frantically begins to search
through all of my blunders

Thirty minutes or so after
I’ve had time to reflect
considered my values
began to calmly introspect

 
Envy is a killer
my positivity torn asunder
mind frantically begins to search
through all of my blunders
But I take a breath and tell myself
we’re just on different paths
wherever mine takes me
I’ll make sure it’s built to last

 
With every single feeling
you always have a choice
to triumph or despair
give in to either voice
I chose a little of both
tried to make envy my friend
because motivation in the present
is what matters in the end

Envy is a killer
my positivity torn asunder
mind frantically begins to search
through all of my blunders
But I take a breath and tell myself
we’re just on different paths
wherever mine takes me
I’ll make sure it’s built to last

Lyrics Day Eighty Nine – ‘Standing Down’

Hey everyone,

today’s lyrics are written about the feelings associated with looking at the ground, avoiding difficult situations and standing down. I’ve had problems with this over my whole life, but particularly in my adult years. It felt easier to turn away or ignore difficult situations, but those actions have cost me, and now even small things can feel difficult. But, on the bright side, I have realised this over time, and have written down challenges to overcome, step by step, as this seems like the only way to combat the feeling. It’s just another step in my development, and hopefully I can document my progress with a different set of lyrics someday.

Stay well ~

Sean

Standing Down (Verse, Half Chorus, Verse, Chorus, Bridge, Chorus)

Sat today with my colleagues
for the purpose of training
but the thought of speaking up
wasn’t anything but draining

Waiting for the day
when I refuse to stand down
meet them dead in the eyes
instead of looking around

Some friends called out to me
as I stepped inside
managed to keep my head up
felt a small sense of pride

Waiting for the day
when I refuse to stand down
meet them dead in the eyes
instead of looking around
Rarely taken seriously
shy and timid Sean
progress arrives in steps
beginning of a new dawn

I know I can do it
I’ve seen the signs
that my fear wasn’t real
only in the mind
Next time it knocks
and tells me to turn
I’ll stand my ground
the truth I’ll discern

 
Waiting for the day
when I refuse to stand down
meet them dead in the eyes
instead of looking around
Rarely taken seriously
shy and timid Sean
progress arrives in steps
beginning of a new dawn

Lyrics Day Eighty Three – ‘Friday Night Football’

Hey everyone,

today’s lyrics reflect on another special memory that I have, or rather, a special period of time in my life. During my time at 6th form, over a two year period, my friends and I would play football together every Friday evening. It sounds quite simple on the face of it, but it was a meaningful time for me, in the sense that my friends and I were growing up together, and at the end of each week, we had this game to look forward to. I really loved it, and I hope that it allows you to reflect on your own poignant memories šŸ™‚

Stay safe ~

Sean

 

Friday Night Football (Verse, Half Chorus, Verse, Chorus, Bridge, Chorus)

The sun was always setting
on those cool Friday nights
our weekly gathering
a special time in my life

I remember in the mornings
I always asked each friend
checked with every single one
that we’d be playing again

Sixth form building towering
over our own field of dreams
as time passed by
I’ve realised just what it means

I remember in the mornings
I always asked each friend
checked with every single one
that we’d be playing again
Lining up each Friday
deciding on the game
friends standing together
a perfect state of play

One time it was raining
everybody went home
I felt so frustrated
and played all alone
but after a few minutes
you came to join me
I guess without football
it didn’t feel like Friday

I remember in the mornings
I always asked each friend
checked with every single one
that we’d be playing again
Lining up each Friday
deciding on the game
friends standing together
a perfect state of play

Lyrics Day Eighty Two – ‘One Person’

Hey everyone,

today’s lyrics are about a struggle I’ve had for some time. Perhaps struggle is too serious a word, but certainly a psychological conundrum. I always wanted to help a lot of people and enact great change, and certainly during this time, when I’ve been unable to complete my regular volunteer duties, I’ve analysed my progress and found myself to be lacking. But, this didn’t just happen during this period of time, but for the last ten years, at least. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to help somebody, but I always feel like it isn’t enough; like, there’s a higher mountain to climb in order to truly make my life count.

As a positive, it does mean that I’m always looking for new ways to support people in new ways, but it’s mostly a negative, because I never feel a lasting satisfaction from doing that, despite it being my life’s mission. I think it’s often because I imagine the top of the summit, the moment where the lives of thousands of people are saved, or improved, and everything else seems to pale in comparison to that ultimate goal.

These thoughts have been more prominent recently, and so I forced myself to consider it, whilst I was at work today. And I suddenly thought, ‘if helping one person isn’t worthwhile, then by that logic, helping a million is irrelevant, too.’

So, by the same token, I can say, because helping a million peopleĀ isĀ relevant, then one is, too.

I’ve been so caught up in my ultimate goal that I’ve actually declined invitations to volunteer events in the past, thinking ‘that won’t many help many people, so what’s the point?’ But, I wasĀ missingĀ the point. It’s true that I want to change the lives of a lot of people for the better, as many as possible, in my life. But it’s the intention behind those acts that matters, and every single person is important in that journey. Whether I go on to help one more or a million more, my intention in living, and in those actions will be the same, and that’s what counts.

Stay safe, and thoughtful ~

Sean

One Person (Verse, Half Chorus, Verse, Chorus, Bridge, Chorus)

Had an epiphany today
perhaps I’ve finally solved
the mystery of my mind
why I never give applause

Continuously focused
on radical achievements
never stopped to focus
on what a single one meant

Whoever I helped
it was never enough
wanted the save the world
and I only saved one

Continuously focused
on radical achievements
never stopped to focus
on what a single one meant
Save one person or many?
Their value is the same
your intention is what matters
to support without delay

 
Made the mistake of thinking
my intentions were trivial
actions a drop in the ocean
unseen and inconsequential
Actually they mean everything
and that’s because
if one person isn’t worthwhile
then nobody is

 
Continuously focused
on radical achievements
never stopped to focus
on what a single one meant
To save one or many?
Their value is the same
your intention is what matters
to support without delay

Lyrics Day Seventy Eight – ‘Path’

Hey everyone,

as you might have noticed, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently about my goals and position in life in relation to that. As part of that, I’ve realised that it’s okay to have an overarching purpose, but without clear, definable goals in order to achieve that purpose, everything will fall short.

Stay safe ~

Sean

Path (Verse, Half Chorus, Verse, Chorus, Bridge, Chorus)

Purpose isn’t enough
with a path to follow
without the right focus
I’m left feeling hollow

Give me a direction
a path to head toward
a tangible target
a way to go forward

I’ve continued to tread
irrespective of direction
it’s time to delve inwards,
towards introspection

 
Give me a direction
a path to move towards
a tangible target
a way to go forwards
an arrow without a target
it’s quite overwhelming
need to understand the puzzle
to keep the wheel turning

To never consider outcomes
means never to hit the bullseye
arrived home feeling empty
achievements met with a sigh
what I have to imagine
are a series of stepping stones
each one represents a goal
for wasted time, I’ll atone

Give me a direction
a path to move toward
a tangible target
a way to go forward
an arrow without a target
feels quite overwhelming
need to understand the puzzle
to keep the wheel turning

Lyrics Day Seventy Four – ‘Future’

Hey everyone,

in relation to working towards my purpose, I wrote these lyrics in frustration at the difficulties that people experience in this world, and my hopes on changing it. I think I spoke about it in a previous entry, but so many people seem to endure unnecessary suffering, by which I mean, suffering that could be avoided. Of course, everybody will suffer, through the loss of loved ones, or relationship breakdowns, but there exists so much pain, and I believe the underlying causes behind this pain could be eradicated.

I was thinking about how I could change things, and for me, the best path seems to be a position in Government, though I will finish my studies to become a therapist, no matter what path I take in the future.

I guess the only thing left to say is, ‘Vote for me!’ šŸ˜‰

Stay safe ~

Sean

Future (Verse, Half Chorus, Verse, Chorus, Bridge, Chorus)

There are so many people
experiencing unnecessary suffering
so many in power
promising much, seemingly bluffing

On every single corner
streets are littered with doubt
citizens with their heads down
spending another day without

 
Let’s start with education
and teach a love of learning
and build centres for the homeless
skills and dignity, they’re earning

 
On every single corner
streets are littered with doubt
citizens with their heads down
spending another day without
hope, love and meaning
that comes from self-belief
I’ll help every single one of them
unleash the potential beneath

 
So many problems
in this troubled world
I don’t know how
but when I’m 100 years old
I’ll look back on my life
and know I tried my best
to create a bright future
everything I imagined, nothing less

 
On every single corner
streets are littered with doubt
citizens with their heads down
spending another day without
hope, love and meaning
that comes from self-belief
I’ll help every single one of them
unleash the potential beneath

Lyrics Day Sixty Nine – ‘Notice’

Hey everyone,

last night I was speaking to one of my best friends via message, for the first time in over a week. She told me she’d been feeling bad for most of that time, and that’s why she hadn’t messaged me, but then I thought: ‘Why didn’t I message?’

Fair enough, with some friends, you have lower standards, where you’ll just speak once a month or so, but with this person, I shouldn’t have left it so long. That perhaps sounds a little bit dramatic, but it’s a standard that I always wanted to live by. I know what it feels like to be alone, and I never want anybody else to feel that way.

When you read today’s lyrics, you may think they’re a little negative and overly-critical, but these words, and all of the others that I’ve written so far, are helping to consider different topics and feelings more deeply, and because of that, I’m able to know myself better. In fact, I’ve started a project where I’m analysing the different aspects of my life that I’d like to improve, in separate documents. So for example, I’ve been working on understanding my identity further for some time, writing a document gathering my thoughts, but I’ve also created a folder (on my computer) collecting style ideas, as that’s another thing I’d like to improve on when this lock down is over. It may sound a little too rigid to deal with emotional and philosophical issues, but it helps me to organise my thoughts – to write down the things I’d like to improve, and see them there in front of me, in black and white. I want to treat it as a checklist.

As another example, I’ve decided to create a folder concerning my physical health and fitness. In that folder initially will be a document writing down what things I feel are wrong with me (running style, calf muscles etc), and that I could improve on, and then I’ll do some research and create some documents which will help me to find the answers. I’ve gone a little off track, but I just wanted to explain where thinking deeper about the feelings I have has led me – thanks for continuing to read this!

Stay safe ~

Sean

 

Notice (Verse, Half Chorus, Verse, Chorus, Bridge, Chorus)

My friend yesterday she told me
she’d been in a bad mood all week
I’m sorry that I never asked
during that time, we didn’t even speak

 
There are so many souls
out adrift in the sea
searching for an anchor
someone to hear their plea

It’s easy to say we’re busy
to turn away and feign ignorance
but I didn’t want to be that person
I wanted to make a difference

There are so many souls
out adrift in the sea
searching for an anchor
someone to hear their plea
as they drift in the cold abyss
have somebody to float with
but right now that’s not me
I didn’t even notice

Say I shouldn’t blame myself
but that’s just an excuse
it’s easy to send a message
instead of being a recluse
I need to do better
in every single aspect
work harder every second
and earn some self-respect

 
There are so many souls
out adrift in the sea
searching for an anchor
someone to hear their plea
as they drift in the cold abyss
have somebody to float with
but right now that’s not me
I didn’t even notice